In an earlier blog post, I talked about how we all have the power to choose happiness for ourselves and I gave a few short examples of what that might look like in your life. I don’t want to stop there, though. Being able to make choices that increase your happiness is such an important concept to understand that I’d like to devote my next few blog posts along the way to elaborating on it.

In all situations there are responses that will make you feel better and more positive, and responses that will only increase your stress and unhappiness.

For example, let’s see how we can choose to be easier on ourselves after making a mistake:

Let’s say you’re giving a presentation at work. You feel fully prepared and you know what you’re talking about. The first part of the presentation goes smoothly, and the few jitters you felt at the beginning have been entirely replaced by confidence. When you look up from your notes to make eye contact with your coworkers, though, you lose your place in your notes. There is a long pause while you frantically search for the next point you wanted to make. You are a bit shaken, but you carry on and finish out your presentation without any other problems.

Choose this: Focus on all of the things that went well in the presentation. When people tell you that you did a nice job, accept the compliments with a genuine smile and thank them. Tell yourself, Overall, the presentation was very good, but next time I should organize my notes a bit better. Then you get to work on your next big project!

NOT that: You fixate on the pause during your presentation and disregard everything else. When people tell you that you did a nice job, you respond, “That’s nice of you to say, but I could just kick myself for messing up.” Throughout the rest of the week, you continue to tell yourself, I am a failure.

Why? One of the keys to happiness is choosing to be easier on yourself. Why let the one thing you did wrong ruin the hundreds of things you’ve done right? It is human nature to focus on the negative, but you have the power to change your thought process. As long as you learn from your mistakes, you should accept them as a part of life—you’re not the only person who has ever messed up! Plus, the mistakes you make usually pale in comparison to your accomplishments. Happy people acknowledge their achievements and keep their mistakes in perspective.

I think it’s a shame that people tend to torture themselves for not being perfect—but I understand why they do it. It took me a very long time to accept the fact that I am human too, and thus fallible. The truth is, we all make mistakes, and I’ve learned that it makes more sense to laugh at and appreciate your own humanity, fallibility, and mix-ups. Believe me, no one cares about that little mistake you made in your speech (or any other minor slip-ups that might occur!), so don’t allow it to dominate your whole week and infect your outlook with negativity. We all must learn to be our own best cheerleaders, building ourselves up every day—not the reverse!

If you’ve leafed through my book or spent more than a few seconds on my website, I’m willing to bet that you’ve seen what I call my “Twelve Weeks to Living a Happier Life.” This program is based on my belief that our happiness (or unhappiness) is based largely on the choices we make regarding our actions, habits, attitudes, thoughts, and priorities. (If you missed it, I blogged about choosing happiness HERE.) Since my “Twelve Weeks” are such a big part of my own life, I’m going to blog about each week’s happiness-boosting change. First up is exercise!

Everywhere you look, our culture bombards us with the topic of exercise, from infomercials touting the latest piece of home-gym equipment to fliers in the mailbox advertising a gym’s grand opening. No matter how sick you are of hearing that you ought to be more active, please bear with me for a few paragraphs, because while I agree with that advice completely, I’m not as concerned with your muscle definition as I am with your mindset.

In a nutshell, I think that physical activity is the single most effective thing you can do right this minute to make yourself happier and much less stressed. I’ve actually been living by this principle for most of my life, though I didn’t realize it until after my breakdown. I was a very athletic kid growing up, and as an adult I’ve always hit the gym on a near-daily basis…until I fractured both of my feet at age thirty-six. This forced inactivity was one of several “triggers” that sparked my breakdown!

Turns out that exercise makes you feel more relaxed, stronger, and more capable of handling life’s challenges. It is also scientifically proven to improve your sleep, and it functions as a natural anti-depressant that will help your attitude and outlook. No wonder I felt unable to handle my stress after I was sidelined by fractures! My single most important coping mechanism was suddenly out of my reach.

I now know that even if you’re not living an out-of-balance lifestyle (as I was before my breakdown), exercise can still do quite a bit to improve your attitude and outlook. In addition to the benefits I listed above, physical activity actually opens you up to future change by invigorating your mind and body. (In fact, my coauthor, Dr. Howard Rankin, who is a licensed clinical psychologist, tells his patients he won’t see them for any reason—whether it’s depression, marriage counseling, or something else—unless they agree to start exercising first.) And as time passes, you’ll gain the added bonus of being happier with your physical appearance as well.

No matter what your current attitude toward exercise is, I recommend that everyone make it a part of their routines (if it isn’t already). And there’s no need to sign up for a boot camp-like class at the gym or hire a personal trainer, either. Actually, that would be a bad idea because the key to making an exercise program successful is to make it doable. Don’t force yourself to do too much too soon.

To start, try taking just a twenty-minute walk every other day. Even better, bring your spouse and/or your children along on your walks. In addition to spending more time together, you’ll be instilling great life habits in your kids. If you make activity a regular part of your life, so will they…and unfortunately, the same goes for living life as a couch potato.

Ultimately, no matter when, where, or with whom you choose to be active, the point is: Don’t make exercising such a big deal that you stall at the starting line. I promise you, you’ll be surprised at what a big difference this first step makes if you keep at it!

In my first post I talked about the very, very important topic of anxiety in college students. Once again, as the fall semester is taking off, I’d like to remind you of how important it is to be aware that depression, anxiety, and—most unfortunately—even suicides are growing problems at colleges and universities across America.

That said, my intent isn’t to make every parent who reads my blog panic. The truth is, while stress can escalate to dangerous levels, it’s actually very normal for new college students to feel anxious. After all, college means a lot of big changes! Your student will be leaving the familiar faces and surroundings of high school and getting used to a totally new environment away from his support system. Plus, even if he doesn’t admit it to you, he’s probably at least a little concerned about doing well in his classes. In these kinds of circumstances, jitters are totally understandable.

The best news for us parents is that educating yourself about how you can deal with (and possibly alleviate) your student’s anxiety can make a huge difference in the kind of college experience he has. My own son won’t start college for another two years, but since this topic is close to my heart, I’m already reading up on it and talking to friends who have been there, and I would like to share a few things I’ve learned with you:

• You can help take the edge off by making a few plans together. Specify when you will see each other next—being able to look forward to a planned visit or two can make the future seem much less intimidating and give everyone something to look forward to. For instance, you can come to your child’s campus for the homecoming football game, and he can come home for fall break. Also, take advantage of technology like Skype and set (and keep) a weekly date.

• Follow your child’s lead. Yes, it can be difficult for us parents to suppress our instinct to protect and guide our children at all times. However, try to remind yourself that college is the time when your child is supposed to begin coming into her own. So if she’s ecstatic to be leaving home, do your best to swallow your melancholy and be happy with her. On the other hand, if she seems a bit wary of being out by herself, don’t be overly excited about your impending empty-nester freedom or chime in with your own worries. Instead, help her to talk through her anxiety. Lastly, allow her to guide college-to-home communication. Remember that the phone is not supposed to be an umbilical cord, and it’s okay to be a bit disconnected from your teen if that’s what she wants. And if your child prefers email, get on the digital train.

• Don’t downplay your child’s worries. If your child calls home and says that she is worried or depressed, always talk to her about what could be causing her feelings. Even if you honestly think she might be overreacting, don’t assume that things will work themselves out in a few months. Ask if she’s under a lot of academic pressure. Does she have problems with her roommate? Is she homesick? Remember that adjusting to college is different for everyone: some may take days; some may take months. If your student does not seem to be adjusting at all and has been homesick for weeks, it might be good to suggest that she look for resources through the counseling and wellness department at her school.